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<title>The Devil&#8217;s Dictionary: J</title>
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<h1>J</h1>

<p class="firstpara">J is a consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel—than which nothing could be more
absurd. Its original form, which has been but slightly modified, was that of
the tail of a subdued dog, and it was not a letter but a character, standing
for a Latin verb, <i>jacere</i>, “to throw,” because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog’s tail assumes that
shape. This is the origin of the letter, as expounded by the renowned Dr.
Jocolpus Bumer, of the University of Belgrade, who established his conclusions
on the subject in a work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being
reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">jealous</span>, <span class="pos">adj.</span> Unduly
concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">jester</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
officer formerly attached to a king’s household, whose business it was to amuse
the court by ludicrous actions and utterances, the absurdity being attested by
his motley costume. The king himself being attired with dignity, it took the
world some centuries to discover that his own conduct and decrees were
sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all
mankind. The jester was commonly called a fool, but the poets and romancers have
ever delighted to represent him as a singularly wise and witty person. In the
circus of to-day the melancholy ghost of the court fool effects the dejection
of humbler audiences with the same jests wherewith in life he gloomed the
marble hall, panged the patrician sense of humor and tapped the tank of royal tears.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">The widow-queen of Portugal</p>
<p class="poetry">Had an audacious jester</p>
<p class="poetry">Who entered the confessional</p>
<p class="poetry">Disguised, and there confessed her.</p>
<p class="poetry">“Father,” she said, “thine ear bend down—</p>
<p class="poetry">My sins are more than scarlet:</p>
<p class="poetry">I love my fool—blaspheming clown,</p>
<p class="poetry">And common, base-born varlet.”</p>
<p class="poetry">“Daughter,” the mimic priest replied,</p>
<p class="poetry">“That sin, indeed, is awful:</p>
<p class="poetry">The church’s pardon is denied</p>
<p class="poetry"> To love that is unlawful.</p>
<p class="poetry">“But since thy stubborn heart will be</p>
<p class="poetry">For him forever pleading,</p>
<p class="poetry">Thou’dst better make him, by decree,</p>
<p class="poetry">A man of birth and breeding.”</p>
<p class="poetry">She made the fool a duke, in hope</p>
<p class="poetry">With Heaven’s taboo to palter;</p>
<p class="poetry">Then told a priest, who told the Pope,</p>
<p class="poetry">Who damned her from the altar!</p>
<p class="citeauth">Barel Dort</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Jews-harp</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Joss-sticks</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> Small
sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">justice</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A
commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the
citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.</p>


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